Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Bad breakfast music flashbacks

In Liberty, where I was working Monday morning, the Perkin's Family Restaurant at Highways 152 and 291 doesn't open til 5:30 am.  But the Awful House on 152 is open 24 hours.  This fact became dreadfully clear at 5am after the cable technicians and I were finished working and very hungry and standing disappointed in the Perkin's parking lot.  What about Bob Evans?  They don't open til SEVEN!  There is actually a song on the Awful House jukebox called "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk".  Listen here, if you dare defile your mind (You can't unhear it!):  http://music.walmart.com/m/007/24/38/64/51/22/0072438645122.01.01.011.mp3   I'm reeling two days later over the fact that Honky Tonk rhymes with Badonkadonk.  The "she's got it going on like Donkey Kong" lyric is so white.  If the song had the word "bling" or "crunk" in it, I would have to crown it as the supreme poserism.  He could have coined his own term for a big ol' butt instead of recycling some tired old street slang.  Honky Tonk Badonkadonk could be Tex-ass, or Kans-ass, for that matter.  I've seen some of each.  Which do you think is bigger?  On average?

I played hockey tonight and had a blast.  I scored and was complimented on how my skills are improving by, quite possibly, the best player who was there tonight.  I had tacos at Maloney's again.  Ric, his son, his son's girlfriend, a defenseman named Jason, and a man whom everyone just calls Dog Balls were also there.  I would say I had a good time until a couple of picture phones came out and it degenerated into a slide show.  My attention turned to the Royals game at that point.  Plastic basket of tacos and a water = $2.74.  I love that place. 

I called mom after that and she said the surgery went well.  She got to go home the same afternoon.  She has four incisions and she's sore, of course.  She had just taken a pain killer, so that was a short conversation, but I got the gist.


  1. the fact that the song is bad is the greatest thing about it. Sometimes songwriters will write the easiest to sink in your head bullshit in order to make a living. Sometimes, however they write something very serious that conveys a true feeling or problem.  But, on this day myself and the other writers of the song needed to earn our paychecks. We write this stuff to get it in your head and damn we must have done our job. So Thank You very very much for listening.

  2. Well, this one stuck in my head, so it worked.  Consequently, it's the best 88 cents I've spent in a while.  http://musicdownloads.walmart.com/catalog/servlet/AlbumServlet?id=71968  I actually encourage people to buy it, although, for me, novelty songs are usually only funny once.

    I'm always making up this kinda stuff and singing country parody in the shower. . . Don't make fun of Mississippi, cause Mr. Sippi will kick your Alabama.  

    Usually, they're based on stupid jokes I'm told by one of the drunks at the neighborhood bar every time I go in there for a burger, because he can't remember telling me the last time.  When I heard the snapping turtle camping story for the third time, I finished it for him.   He paused and looked at me funny, then asked, "Were you there?"  Everyone who's tired of that story just cracked up.  And the jukebox played on.

  3. I was actually in Liberty about a year ago. Neat little place. My buddy Jerrod Niemann is from there.  Jerrod is one of my best buddies in nashville who i write a bunch of songs with.
    That Mr. sippi thing came to my mind just the other day when i saw the little girl writing out the spelling of mississippi on a piece of paper and she said something about there having to be a mr. sippi if there was a mississippi.
    So, maybe you have a talent for coming up with lame country songs also.
    You never know, it could make you a living.